Independence day poo party

Hello readers.
Last month was the 4th July this is the day that celebrates the Declaration of Independence from the best country in the world The Great Britain. The day is a national holiday and there are BBQ's, parties and general drinkage.
On this day I was invited to my first Pool Party. Imagine that a house with a pool! The images were already  forming. I'd arrive to pumping house music walk through two massive gates to the back patio decking area where upon a multitude of girls clad in bikinis were shaking their bottoms whilst people shouted 'PART-EE' a lot before some girls took their bikini tops off as everything got a bit wild. This has come from a lot of American 80s films I saw whilst growing up. Esp Porkies, Bachelor Party and probably Teenwolf or something.
I could not wait as being a Brit I was bound to be taken advantage of as already I wasn't going to take my swimming costume so therefore I'd probably look all awkward and nerdy (this wasn't my ploy it's more to do with body consciousness).

The whole night could not have been further away from this.
After arriving at the party and seeing the pool it reminded me of something that i'd see on Cowboy Builders I expected to see two swinging doors to get onto the diving board. There were a couple of people there. A couple in the pool and one or two dotted around the outside. But we were early I'm sure loads of people would turn up later shouting 'PART-EE' later carrying cakes of beer and just jumping in the pool fully clothed or in their PJs collecting a brick from the bottom of the pool.
So I just played musical chairs for a while and ate from the BBQ and the giant Cheese ball bottle.

My friend Cesar finally took the plunge in the pool and easily pulled off the this is MY pool Tony Montana look. If you fucked with him he would take a chainsaw to your inflatable.

By this time I'd decided to change into shorts (not worn since the Coachella Top Gun look i accidentally pulled off). Later however I went back to jeans the same colour as the shorts though so I could fool people into thinking that I hadn't actually changed three times that day like the idiot I am.
Later on we went outside to witness some fireworks being let off in the street. This is something that would never happen in the UK after numerous adverts I watched as a child....

After witnessing this poor firework display I was pretty much hoping that the person holding the firework would accidentally aim it at a car which would then explode. Fireworks were placed in the road as well during which time cars were actually passing by. Oh but then one turned out to be a cop car! Everyone rushed inside. Oh but before that the party got really good as someone started 'planking' Urgh. Here's one planking shot the planker.

I aslo saw his try and 'plank' and post box and himself across three cool boxes on which someone else planked on top of him that was a lot a planking more than you'd see in B&Q.

After this I went to find Cesar inside and tell him that because of the noise and the fireworks the party was being shut down at 10.30 by the cops.
Inisde the house I witnessed some live music by two drunk hipsters thinking they were coming up with the next piece that could match Mozart on an organ. This is just a snipet as they were doing this for hours.
Hipster Odesey...

After finding Cesar a girl approached me and asked about my accent. Brilliant!
I then (and I'm not kidding here) sat there for 20minutes whilst seated and she stood. Listen to her talk NON-STOP about how she was brilliant and telling peoples accents and that I had apparently picked up a slight American accents which she could tell (having not known what my accent was before I got to the US). She also preceeded to list all the countries she's lived in. And the fact that she was really intelligent and was going to be a professor one day. I asked her what she did now. 'I'm on incapacity benefits but I work under th counter'. She then apologized for 'offending us' (which I think she did to Cesar after saying that he'd done well to speak English or something that well). I asked why we would be offended. 'Because I'm a woman with a brain and I'm intelligent and people find that intimidating'. I asked if she knew who Carol Vorderman was' finally she left and I turned to the 4 other people dotted about in the room who i was giving looks to throughout the piece and shouted 'Why did no-one butt in that conversation and help us out' she was insane. I then quoted her 'Oh I'm sorry if I offended you' etc.
I'd seen this girl earlier at the party wearing her swimsuit but also a thong UNDERNEATH her swimsuit. I also watched as the drunkest man on his own at the party tried to throw a rubber ring into the air for her to dive off the board and through. They tried this about ten times and still didn't pull it off.

I then decided we would leave this Part-eh?