Before I got to LA I used to sit next to Jon (my ex-flatmate) and look longing at his Iphone. And thought to myself ‘I.Phone’ (in a neaderthal voice). They are too expensive though. Then After receiving a Christmas bonus at work last year I hear about the Itouch. Which is like the Iphone but without the phone (so just an I?).
So I needed a new Ipod anyway and wanted the ‘apps’ and Wifi connection to hang around in cafes with. I bought it and immediately downloaded Streetfighter 4 & Mortal Kombat as my first ‘apps’. These I played on the plane over to LA.
Later on while walking around LA listening to Flowered Up or The Mock Turtles I stop off at the odd Café and go ‘wireless’ (I’m currently undercover for the FBI so I just take a break from recording gang related conversations). As a very part time writer I sometimes have to write stuff down in my notebook. Now though I don’t need a notebook as there is a notebook on my Itouch so I do need a notebook but not a real notebook – take note. A little keypad or touch pad appears and luckily I have delicate tiny man hands that can touch the right keys. After a while of tapping my wpm start to increase and before I know it I start to think that I must look like some man genius the amount of typing I’m doing. Like in that film D.A.R.Y.L or Short Circuit when Jonny five reads really quickly or that the Government has placed a computer chip in my brain. Either way I think I now look pretty clever and intelligent. I also have a couple of ideas for apps now so if anyone knows how to do them please contact me.
The downside is that I also downloaded FlickFootball. This involves you kicking a ball with by flicking your finger across the screen and getting the ball into the goal.
I play this all the time. Waiting for a bus, at a bar, in the restroom. I even played it whilst watching a real live football game. I’m now worried that I’m going to strain my finger like when David James ( I ♥ David James) injured himself from playing too many games on his Playstation. Or that my finger is going to be twice the size of all my other fingers (like my right arm is slightly bigger than my left). If that happens I’m going to have to use all my other fingers to get them up to matching sizes. I also make faces when I play. I stick my toungue in the side of my mouth and chew it - i've done this all my life when concentrating. Like when I used to draw laods i stuck my toungue at the side of my mouth and chewed - perhaps I should do this when trying to write. Perhaps I have some bodily chemical that's released when I chew from my toungue that heightens my performance - although perhaps I should restrain form using it whilst having sexy times with a lady incase it looks like i've taken drugs in order to get through the love making.
When playing I also make facial expressions when I miss a goal or just generally cock up my free kicks. Again anyone watching me would think i'm having some sort of flashbacks or something. Regardless I probably look like a mentalist. And also - is it cool to play on your Iphone/Touch? Do you look modern and technically logically sound. Or do I look like a man who can't grow up and plays video games with no real conception of getting on in life. the decision is yours. Got to stop typing now my right index finger is hurting from typing.
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