Being pampered

Everyone in LA attempts to look good. And a lot pull it off. After my Coachella ‘call the fashion police, no wait better make it FBI’ faux pas I’m thinking I need appear on one of those make-over shows. Probably one where they tear me down mentally and physically before making me stand in a pit full of mirrors where bitchy women who’ve paid money to get in look from above drinking champagne hurling abuse at me before the police raid the place and find me cowering saying ‘Pepsi, pepsi, pepsi’ (see Coachella post).
Anyway I went to see a friend who worked in a spa for a late lunch and instead got invited in for a manicure. My immediate reaction was ‘Isn’t that a bit gay’? She replied that lots of men have it done. So I sat with my hands out and was told to relax them (how can one get tense about having his nails done?). So they were placed in warm water, dabbed with some vanilla stuff and then cut and filed. This made my hair on my arms extend up. As I have a thing for people who use nail files. It’s like scratching your nails down a chalkboard (Argh even now it’s making me shudder).
She then plucked the bits of skin form the bottom of my nail – where the bottom curve is?
She then made one of my fingers bleed, ‘oh that’s the first time I’ve done that’. Nice to know I was being treated with the same precision as a paying customer I told her. It would then not stop bleeding. I told her I was going to make a complaint and sue her shop for at least $10. I have to say though I did have nice shiny, smelly nails afterwards. Next week I’m getting my toe nails done.

Before my flight back to London I popped to New York and did LOADS of walking. To a point where later on in days I developed a funny walk as my leg limbs started to cease up. So at airport I saw a foot massage at $25 for 10 mins. That will cure it I though. So in I went. Foot massage please. They took my coat. I took off my shoes and Wolverine socks and waited in excitement as I’d often read that the feet contain nerves that can relax the rest of your body. I was looking forward to my massause finding spots on my feet that would result in my arm flinging out to the side as a unexpected result of that spot on the ball of my foot.

I lay back in the cahir and they turned on the chair. Which then proceeded to massage my back and neck. An added bonus a back and neck massage. The chair was very rigourous I wanted to get the full effect so pushed my back as far into the chair as I could. However as the motions moved up and down my back it gradually kept pushing me out of the chair from my lower back extending my stomach out to my neck making me look down. I spent the whole 10 minutes trying to work out if I looked wierds and weighed so little that the chair couldn’t help but push me out. Or whether because I’m little that my body wasn’t matched up to wear it was meant to be massaging me. After trying to work all this out I heard the words ‘Ok we’re done now’. I couldn’t relax at all during the foot massage. And got embarrassed when she tried to put my socks back on for me. One because I thought that was a bit much I can do that. Two because they had pictures of Wolverine on them.