As an inhibited Englishman I very rarely display my body. You can read all about my shorts dilema from my Coachella blog from the other year. I don't even wear sunglasses here. 1) As I am not used to wearing them and have no idea what shape looks 'cool' on me and 2) I think I look like a dick in them. I remember someone once came up to me in a club and asked me to be in his band. I wasn't going to be in someone's band who wore sunglasses in a club. It was a safety hazard think what it would have been like on stage with him. He'd be knocking wires out resulting in electrocuting and audience member and a I don't want to go through all that again.
Here in LA though it's hot. And sometimes an Englishman abroad has to say to himself 'When in Rome' even if he isn't in Rome. So in the privacy of my own apartment I drew up the blind opened the window and felt the sun on my half naked body. I thought this might happend once my skin had been exposed to sunlight for the first time in a year.
So there I was lying in the sun getting comfortable on my bed and I just put my hands across my chest and linking fingers and before I knew it I'd gone off into the land of nod.
Imagine my surprise when I woke up an hour and half later to find the sun had moved (would you believe it!) and left me with a nice imprint burn across my body and the other half isn't even burnt!
I am now attempting to fill it in by covering up 2/4 of my torso by various methods in order to fill this gap. As i'm going to look like a complete idiot when I plan to go to the Standard swimming pool next week!
Los Angeles is full of people trying to promote themselves as the next Jonny Depp, Angelina Jolie or Brian Blessed. If you are advertising your busniess though what better way than doing live Karaoke in the middle of the street!
This was for the new store opened on Sunset and Hillhurst 'The Vintage Vortex' which currently has for sale a great Hugh Hefner Playboy pinball machine.
Talking of Actors and Actresses was having a drink with some friends and in walks Kirsten Dunst. I would not have known who this diminutive lady was if it wasn't for the immediate whispers and hand covering mouth gestures. What should be my move here? Should I go over pretend that I don't know who she is and say 'hello can I buy you a drink'? Should I accidentally bump into her and introduce myself that way. OR shall I go over and say one of these three lines.
1) Hello I look extremely good in a Spiderman outift (I did when I was 5 in my Spiderman PJ's)
2) Fancy being caught in my web
3) Just sing the old theme tune to Spiderman to her (spider man, spider man does whatever a spider can).
Of course I did none of the above and just watched her escape my advances. My spidey sense told me it wasn't a good idea after all.
Last week I was suffering from Saturday Night Fever so I saw this guy
Every country has it's crazy people. In my hometown of Worthing I remember there used to be a man who stood on a street corner dressed in a stripped blazer, boater hat and just waved at traffic going 'cooeeeee' and lifting his left leg up behind him and a camp limping of the wrist. He had a couple of names such as 'The Duke' & 'Burlington Bertie'.
Burlington Bertie
There was also the 'Bag Lady' who I think just had bags wrapped around her hands and feet (we used think she had alien hands and feet underneath).
I've seen my fair share of this sort in Los Angeles. On Friday night I traveled along Sunset on the bus and sat next to an old woman who kept telling me about her arm (and showing it to me) and her eye. She then told me she had a gun. I immediately thought 'Brilliant I'm going to be shot by a one eyed woman who can't aim straight - this is how I would have wanted to go'. The best 'character' i've ever seen here was when I was waiting for the underground train (Yes LA does have a subway system). He had long hair wore a black top and skirt. Fair enough nothing too strange about that a man in a skirt you may say. It was more the fact that on his front he had clinging to him round his neck and waist an effigy of HIMSELF looking back at him. a full effigy with it's arms around his neck and it's legs around his waist.
I've also been walking along Hollywood Boulevard with my Itouch on (see Itouch myself post). I got it out to switch from Geneva to Tame Impala when a man walking towards me starts shouting at me along the lines of 'You stinking little dirty CUNT', he repeat this over and over again by carefully using the words in a slightly different order so I don't get bored by his abuse. How he knew I was listening to Geneva I don't know.
This week i sat outside Morning Nights coffee place having a tea when we noticed a small guy walking across the street in a motorcycle helmet and one glovecarrying a $1 store bag. There was no motorbike to be seen and his walk was a little odd. He proceeded to do one lap of the grass triangle (in 23 degree heat) before plopping himself down on a rock. He then drank from his $1 store bag through his helmet.
I like to think this was the guy who played Street Hawk
On my way home I noticed this bohemoth of a dog.
The At-At dog
It seems the new trend is now to go the opposite way to having a small dog to go in your hangbag.
The WEIRDEST thing i've seen in Los Angeles is this!
An auction sign for a plot of land with two posters of the band Styx on it
PS whilst tracking down Burlington Bertie I came across this local character The Shipley dancer.. Enjoy.
So for my first day out in Los Angeles I decide to take a walk along Sunset Boulevard and into Silverlake area. This is the 'hipster' type area along with Echo Park. I hate using that term hipster and how on earth has it travelled across the ocean and into the Enlgish language? What were hipsters before they were called this? I'm sure it's the same with Chavs that they were called something else in before being called chavs (was it hoodies?). Anyway being a hipster seems to consist of having a beard and a cheque shirt and tattoos. So I have some stubble and cheque shirt and I did some drawings on my arm of a the film Legend with Tom Cruise just to fit in before I left. I've also been called 'Bro' twice since I've been here and one fist pump. I shuddered after each incident.
I found two lovely mid century furniture shops The Living Room and Danish Modern.
The Living Room had a lovely picture of Mark Spitz which you can just see in my pic. And a very large picture of the Beatles.
Danish Modern had such a vast amount of lovely stuff I nearly just wanted to move into the shop and call it my home.
After this I started my walk back to Los Feliz when I noticed two guys holding aloft a large square canvas with some pattern on it. The guy infront of them was filming as they were walking down Sunset. In my head I immediately thought 'oh it's that David Bowie The Next Day square symbol'. This design had been put infront of objects by fans etc and posted up on the internet. So there was me thinking 'oh I'm going to be in some David Bowie video that will be immortalised forever like Courtney Cox in Bruce Springsteens Dancing in the Dark. As they got closer to my path of glory, I looked up at the square canvas and then realised it wasn't the Bowie design but it was the Prop 8 symbol for getting gay marriage through Congress. I think my appearance will now help push it through.
