But I have been drinking in LA. A lot.
Everyone seems to do it here. Tall people, Short people, Older people, younger people, Girls, boys, girly boys.
I decided to go for a one drink ONE drink at about 10.30 in the evening so I walked down the road to Ye Rustic Inn. However I came up with a cunning plan before I went in. I took out my phone and held it in my hand. Entered the bar. Took one look up and down the bar and then pretended to phone my pretend friend who I was pretending was meant to be at the bar but I was pretending they hadn't showed up so I had to go back outside to pretend to phone them so I could leave the bar. It seemed to be large man night at the bar. The exact opposite of what I hoped would greet me (not that I was hoping for skinny man night at the bar - rather me entering the bar and the wind blowing behind me and the array of stools spinning around revealing an array of ladies not seen since Blofeld gathered his 10 women assasins in 'On Her Majesty's Secret Service'.
So on I went to the Good Luck Bar for my ONE drink. I had one. left and just though well I'll pop to El Chavos ONE block away as they have a happy hour on all night.
So I took my position at the bar on a stool pretty much in the middle of the arrangement. People were chatting away. I slowly drank my corona corona. Then before I know it. People have up and left their stools leaving me totally isolated and alone and helpless. Now I was exposed for what I was 'the lone drinker'. with no tonto to keep me company.
So I perhaps await an opportunity for Lindsey Lohan to join me before showing me her painted fingernails spelling out 'You sad man' to me.
About half hour later some guy sits one stool away from me and comments on my beer. So I chat to him for a bit he tells me he has just moved her to make 3 documentaries. One on a town, one on his dad's busniess and the third one her can't remeber...so erm two then?
Just as i've started speaking to him a nice young lady sits next to me. But now I'm trapped. I'm locked in conversation and there is no conclusion in sight to our conversation. He then hears a track he likes and proceeds to wave his hands in the air and wave them like he just does not fucking care. Now everyone is looking at him and subsequently me. The people drinking at the ends of the bar who've spotted me earlier now either think. Who is that guy he's with or 'Ha! that's what you get for sitting in exposed areas of the bar'
I decide to have ONE more drink as he starts speaking to the woman next to him. And I might have cut free of this conversation net. But it's not stopped I get asked to name the price of her bag with him. After a while I get introduced to her husband. And then it's closing time. However that's not the end. After to speaking to the woman and her husband they seem like very nice people and one works in music and has worked with some great artsists and his wife is a journalist who is just about to go to San Fransico the next day for a new job. So they say they are having more dirnks at theirs and would I like to join them. I agree. They also invite wave your hands in the air kid as they think he is with me. I try to deter them without offending the guy. It dosen't work. I live around the corner form the bar. They tell me they live near as well. So we are all in the car and driving further and further away from the potential 3 minute walk I could have had home.
I then think perhaps I should just say no like the grange hill kids to any polite offer from anyone ever.
After arriving at their flat and drinking ANOTHER drink the younger guy who they thought was with me starts to talk bout how he got beaten up at school for cross dressing and things get more awkward when I point out that they might have beaten him up for his choice of clothes clashing or something. He didn't laugh and just looked at me. Anyway after talking about British comedy, American Policitcs, The English Class sytem and The Verve I finally leave and have to walk all the way home. I get in at 5am after leaving earlier at 10.30 for my ONE drink.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ9KfKx8PmM
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