Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Trojan Wedding Shower Commercial
OK so I've just watched this commercial on tv.
There are a couple of things that bother me about this ad.
One what is a 'Triphoria'? Does this mean it has three speeds? functions?
What the hell does 'Blow your hair back mean'? I know the phrase 'Blow your socks off' but I guess if the women each put their feet up on the table to show they no longer have socks then it wouldn't have the same impact (as well as forming the question how do the socks come off without the shoes as well).
OK so next she asks 'Who got me this' to which three women all show they have had their hair 'blown back'.
Now this means two things. One they have opened the box and used it on themselves, put it back in the box and then given it to her. And Two-they have only all just used it as you wouldn't turn up to a Bridal shower with your hair looking like that. So I guess they all sneaked into the ladies room as soon as they got to the bridal shower.
Ah ok 5 speeds 3 pulse settings well at least that is cleared up.
Now you have two 'real' women speak of how they find the Triphoria. 'It's like three massagers in one' and 'I love it, I absolutely love it'. Whereas they should be saying 'I use it straight after i've made love to my husband when he's done and fallen asleep AGAIN'. Or 'I fuck myself all the time with this thing it makes me cum so hard i black out for three days solid'.
So the bride takes it home andher husband is so over the moon that she has THREE he slams the kitchen table and shouts 'SWEET'. Now this means he can't pleasure her himself, she wants all three in her at the same time. Or he wants to use the third one on himself. Although I would have liked it if he pulled out his own 'massager' and said 'So I can use this on me so we don't have to touch each other anymore you repulsive cow'.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Battle LA
Well I just went to the movies to see new sci-fi action flick Battle:LA.
Basically aliens invade all the important cities in the world by the sea. So I'm still waiting to see Battle:Worthing (where I come from).
As soon as the opening scenes rolled it became very familiar with the marine troop consisting of an inexperienced teen who seems to have never drunk before and is a virgin. A guy who is about to get married and who has a best friend also in the core who likes flowers and is probably under the don't ask, don't tell, don't get an erection policy. Another guy who is happily married. A guy who has post traumatic stress syndrome from Afghanistan and one whose a bit of a redneck. If I ever join the marines I wonder which one i'd be by then? However the main guy is just about to retire and has a past where some of his troop died in a previous mission etc he joins the troop under the married guy who has just been made a leuitenant. OH and one member of the troops brother died under the guy who was just about to retire. So from the opening five minutes I was able to decide who was going to die, who was going to go nuts, who was going to be the hero and they would all turn up at the guys wedding at the end (although there was no wedding scene at the end).
The other point was I can't believe that Aliens posses the technology to fly across the Universe whereas we the best we have is the Virgin Galactic vehicle and yet still arrive totally ill prepared for bullets. Even we manage bullet proof vests. Oh and they find out how to kill them by capturing one and just stabbing away at him till one stabbing kills him/her and then send out the message 'shoot to the right of where the heart should be'. In this case i'd ask 'am i facing them - or is it their right of the heart'?????? They do look pretty cool coming out of the sea though in the same way the sea devils do in Jon Pertwees Dr Who series.
Also how on earth (no pun intended) do these aliens have such bad targeting equipment. Surely with advance technology than can must up something that improves their shots better than me playing Duck Hunt on my Nintendo. At times though the film did remind me of something you'd see on an X-Box. Although there isn't that much of the alien invaders featured which was disappointing.
The main focus was on the troops. With the prediction that newly assigned rookie Lieutenant loses it in battle then sacrifices himself to leave marine with a past to take over. He gives a big speech when questioned about the troops he got killed in which he quotes all their numbers to the brother of one of the victims. In my mind I thought it would be funny if the only number he couldn't remember was that of the guys brother. They pick up some civilians on the way - one of whom is a pretty lady who asks him if he has any children - he doesn't and neither does she. Of course that's the first question you ask someone during an alien attack. I got asked this once on a plane by the passenger next to me (we weren't in the middle of an alien invasion when he asked). I answered yes so I could be spared feeling inadequate. As he would respond with tellingl me how wonderful his kids where-as I have no concept of what he was talking about. It's like asking 'do you smoke' and then telling me how wonderful it is.
Anyway so obviously he's found a wife now for when he survives. There are also some kids they rescue who also survive over most of the troops. He also becomes a father figure to one of them after his dad dies. So he's now managed to pick up a wife and a child. I bet that wasn't on his e-harmony profile.
And yet again earthlings overcome by just finding the main command centre and using words like 'Let's show these bastards', 'Outstanding' and 'We're taking back LA' to blow it up. It's always that easy. If it were set in the UK we'd use words like 'Let's show these ruffians' 'Good Show' and 'Fuck Worthing it's shit anyway'. I bet the next lot who invade will have gine through the check list. 'Ok guys, we're imune from all germs on Earth, we have Norton Security in our systems to stop any viruses, and we're not going to use radio controlled drones as once they cut off the signal they will fall from the sky. Ok what kind of ammo do they use again, ah that's the least of our worries'.
There wasn't even an Independence Day moment where they blew up the Hollywood sign or Lindsey Lohan in it! It's mostly a war movie with a constant number of shoot-outs in the wreckage of LA against inferior Terminator machines.
Please if any aliens are reading this please come properly equipped if you are going to invade or don't bother at all as there's a lot of cleaning up to do afterwards when you fail.
Basically aliens invade all the important cities in the world by the sea. So I'm still waiting to see Battle:Worthing (where I come from).
As soon as the opening scenes rolled it became very familiar with the marine troop consisting of an inexperienced teen who seems to have never drunk before and is a virgin. A guy who is about to get married and who has a best friend also in the core who likes flowers and is probably under the don't ask, don't tell, don't get an erection policy. Another guy who is happily married. A guy who has post traumatic stress syndrome from Afghanistan and one whose a bit of a redneck. If I ever join the marines I wonder which one i'd be by then? However the main guy is just about to retire and has a past where some of his troop died in a previous mission etc he joins the troop under the married guy who has just been made a leuitenant. OH and one member of the troops brother died under the guy who was just about to retire. So from the opening five minutes I was able to decide who was going to die, who was going to go nuts, who was going to be the hero and they would all turn up at the guys wedding at the end (although there was no wedding scene at the end).
The other point was I can't believe that Aliens posses the technology to fly across the Universe whereas we the best we have is the Virgin Galactic vehicle and yet still arrive totally ill prepared for bullets. Even we manage bullet proof vests. Oh and they find out how to kill them by capturing one and just stabbing away at him till one stabbing kills him/her and then send out the message 'shoot to the right of where the heart should be'. In this case i'd ask 'am i facing them - or is it their right of the heart'?????? They do look pretty cool coming out of the sea though in the same way the sea devils do in Jon Pertwees Dr Who series.
Also how on earth (no pun intended) do these aliens have such bad targeting equipment. Surely with advance technology than can must up something that improves their shots better than me playing Duck Hunt on my Nintendo. At times though the film did remind me of something you'd see on an X-Box. Although there isn't that much of the alien invaders featured which was disappointing.
The main focus was on the troops. With the prediction that newly assigned rookie Lieutenant loses it in battle then sacrifices himself to leave marine with a past to take over. He gives a big speech when questioned about the troops he got killed in which he quotes all their numbers to the brother of one of the victims. In my mind I thought it would be funny if the only number he couldn't remember was that of the guys brother. They pick up some civilians on the way - one of whom is a pretty lady who asks him if he has any children - he doesn't and neither does she. Of course that's the first question you ask someone during an alien attack. I got asked this once on a plane by the passenger next to me (we weren't in the middle of an alien invasion when he asked). I answered yes so I could be spared feeling inadequate. As he would respond with tellingl me how wonderful his kids where-as I have no concept of what he was talking about. It's like asking 'do you smoke' and then telling me how wonderful it is.
Anyway so obviously he's found a wife now for when he survives. There are also some kids they rescue who also survive over most of the troops. He also becomes a father figure to one of them after his dad dies. So he's now managed to pick up a wife and a child. I bet that wasn't on his e-harmony profile.
And yet again earthlings overcome by just finding the main command centre and using words like 'Let's show these bastards', 'Outstanding' and 'We're taking back LA' to blow it up. It's always that easy. If it were set in the UK we'd use words like 'Let's show these ruffians' 'Good Show' and 'Fuck Worthing it's shit anyway'. I bet the next lot who invade will have gine through the check list. 'Ok guys, we're imune from all germs on Earth, we have Norton Security in our systems to stop any viruses, and we're not going to use radio controlled drones as once they cut off the signal they will fall from the sky. Ok what kind of ammo do they use again, ah that's the least of our worries'.
There wasn't even an Independence Day moment where they blew up the Hollywood sign or Lindsey Lohan in it! It's mostly a war movie with a constant number of shoot-outs in the wreckage of LA against inferior Terminator machines.
Please if any aliens are reading this please come properly equipped if you are going to invade or don't bother at all as there's a lot of cleaning up to do afterwards when you fail.
Hang the DJ
So I get a call from my good friend Dia on Tuesday midday asking if I'd like to DJ at the Satelitte for they have a Smiths tribute band on called 'The Smiths Indeed'. This is the perfect evening for me to DJ as I am a 'tribute' DJ in that I'm not as good as the real thing.
I have my itunes on my laptop and therefore need to burn some tracks onto some blank CD's. I but the cheapest pack of five CD's I can find. All loose in a pack for $2.99. I get home and start selecting my playlist. I try to put in a bit of everything (you never know exactly the crowd that will turn up - oh hang on I do - it's Smiths fans). I put some Manchester crica 1985-1991 in there as well as some British Pop or Britpop if you will.
I am also not allowed to play any Smiths/Morrissey that evening by order of the band.
I put in 129 tracks. Put in the first of my blank CD's (the blue one) and realize that it will hold 20 tracks. Hmmmm 129 divided by 5 equals time to go back to the shop and buy some more blank CD's.
I arrive home again with some more coloured CD's this time with cases with them. Now I more blank CDs but doubled up on the same colours.
After burning all my CD's I place them in a case each and write down all the tracks on a piece of notepaper which I slip into the inner case. I mark at the top of the notepaper (black CD, Green CD, Red CD, Pink CD, Orange CD etc oh and Black 2 CD).
I place them in my bag and venture to the bus stop.
After arriving I walk behind the sound system where I think I am DJing. I'm then shown that the CD decks are on the main bar floor area. As I walk behind them I realize that I'm too short to actually see the counter display moniters on the decks (this is essential if I am to start Ride at the exact right moment later). So Sylvia fetches me a crate to stand on. I was blind now I can see. Although it did feel like being a 3 year old just putting CDs into the slots just to see them disappear for a while.
So I play some easy listening type tracks to usher the people in. I then move onto some more contemporary stuff - it's all fine. My colour system and labeling is all fine. I play for an hour and a half before the first band play.
I then decide to put all my CD's back behind the sound system because obviously someone will want to steal them after hearing all the great tunes i'd just played.
Then about half an hour later the band end without saying thankyou to the audience or you can buy our CD from the lady at the back thus not giving me any warning that I'm meant to play a record when they walk off stage.
I run behind the sound system - grab my CDs' in one hand and then drop them. they all open and CD's go rolling around. I scoop them up and just put in the first CD I now open.
The Rolling Stones Gimmie Shelter plays. I get a good nod from a man in the audience. Now the next problem is there is no vocals on the record. I ask the sound guy if he's left a knob down? He says everything is fine. I switch to deck two. The Clash. Same again. I am now getting looks from the audience. I fiddle with a wire at the back and the vocals come back. However i am getting small electric shocks whilst holding them and have to keep them held in while the sound guy finds another wire.
I pick up another CD and cue it - I press play and it's not the right CD. It's Pink in the Orange Case (as my label says Orange at the top). Argh with one hand holding the wires in place I flip open the other CD's. New problem it's dark, Pink, red, orange all look the same in the dark. I put in another CD, Stevie Wonder! Not what I want to play. I find what I do want to play - track nine - James. Guess what comes out - The Smiths !!! Something that i've been banned from playing (Black 2 cd is in Black 1 case). The crowd cheer - and within 5 seconds I've pushed it on 2 tracks. Ha that was just a teaser of what you might hear later!
Finally the wire is changed and I have two hands (the way God inteded) to re-arrange my CD's).
I finish the night on a high with Suede and Pulp and numerous requests for more Suede and Pulp.
So please come to my new night Suede and Pulp night (i have the best of suede in one deck and the best of Pulp in the other i will alternate between the two all night).
I have my itunes on my laptop and therefore need to burn some tracks onto some blank CD's. I but the cheapest pack of five CD's I can find. All loose in a pack for $2.99. I get home and start selecting my playlist. I try to put in a bit of everything (you never know exactly the crowd that will turn up - oh hang on I do - it's Smiths fans). I put some Manchester crica 1985-1991 in there as well as some British Pop or Britpop if you will.
I am also not allowed to play any Smiths/Morrissey that evening by order of the band.
I put in 129 tracks. Put in the first of my blank CD's (the blue one) and realize that it will hold 20 tracks. Hmmmm 129 divided by 5 equals time to go back to the shop and buy some more blank CD's.
I arrive home again with some more coloured CD's this time with cases with them. Now I more blank CDs but doubled up on the same colours.
After burning all my CD's I place them in a case each and write down all the tracks on a piece of notepaper which I slip into the inner case. I mark at the top of the notepaper (black CD, Green CD, Red CD, Pink CD, Orange CD etc oh and Black 2 CD).
I place them in my bag and venture to the bus stop.
After arriving I walk behind the sound system where I think I am DJing. I'm then shown that the CD decks are on the main bar floor area. As I walk behind them I realize that I'm too short to actually see the counter display moniters on the decks (this is essential if I am to start Ride at the exact right moment later). So Sylvia fetches me a crate to stand on. I was blind now I can see. Although it did feel like being a 3 year old just putting CDs into the slots just to see them disappear for a while.
So I play some easy listening type tracks to usher the people in. I then move onto some more contemporary stuff - it's all fine. My colour system and labeling is all fine. I play for an hour and a half before the first band play.
I then decide to put all my CD's back behind the sound system because obviously someone will want to steal them after hearing all the great tunes i'd just played.
Then about half an hour later the band end without saying thankyou to the audience or you can buy our CD from the lady at the back thus not giving me any warning that I'm meant to play a record when they walk off stage.
I run behind the sound system - grab my CDs' in one hand and then drop them. they all open and CD's go rolling around. I scoop them up and just put in the first CD I now open.
The Rolling Stones Gimmie Shelter plays. I get a good nod from a man in the audience. Now the next problem is there is no vocals on the record. I ask the sound guy if he's left a knob down? He says everything is fine. I switch to deck two. The Clash. Same again. I am now getting looks from the audience. I fiddle with a wire at the back and the vocals come back. However i am getting small electric shocks whilst holding them and have to keep them held in while the sound guy finds another wire.
I pick up another CD and cue it - I press play and it's not the right CD. It's Pink in the Orange Case (as my label says Orange at the top). Argh with one hand holding the wires in place I flip open the other CD's. New problem it's dark, Pink, red, orange all look the same in the dark. I put in another CD, Stevie Wonder! Not what I want to play. I find what I do want to play - track nine - James. Guess what comes out - The Smiths !!! Something that i've been banned from playing (Black 2 cd is in Black 1 case). The crowd cheer - and within 5 seconds I've pushed it on 2 tracks. Ha that was just a teaser of what you might hear later!
Finally the wire is changed and I have two hands (the way God inteded) to re-arrange my CD's).
I finish the night on a high with Suede and Pulp and numerous requests for more Suede and Pulp.
So please come to my new night Suede and Pulp night (i have the best of suede in one deck and the best of Pulp in the other i will alternate between the two all night).
Monday, March 14, 2011
My Tarrantino night
Well I well and truely arrived in Hollywood last night. From a simple last minute decision to visit the New Beverley Cinema (Tarrantinos cinema) and watch two films starring Rod Taylor (no I hadn't heard of him either) turned my night into a quite surreal one.
Firstly the two films I saw were 'The Dark of the Sun' about a gang of Mercenaries who were paid to recover some diamonds from a town in the Congo before it got looted by the local savage tribe.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062863/
and 'Hell River' which is also known as 'Partizan' & 'Tactical Guerilla' which was about the struggle of Yugoslavs against the evil Nazi Adam West and a great German actor called Peter Carsten who seems to have been flavour of the month in playing Nazis as he was also in the first film playing a child killing, chain-saw weiding, raft building Nazi. Quite an all rounder. Anyway I'm never quite sure how Adam West got any acting work at all it was like watching Hugh Grant pay Pinochio. His best moment though was firing a maching gun whilst on skis in a white jumpsuit with a maniacal laugh greeting his enemy before being easily shot for the fact of skiing with both hands whilst his gun was still around his neck towards his enemy.
So I went off to a bar afterwards in which there was a man dressed as a manatee at the bar. I found out he was a manatee when I asked whether he was a walrus or a seal. It's probably the equivalent of someone asking me if I'm Australian or a New Zealander in the US.
Just as last orders are called my friend Tinita shows up and her friend works at the bar two doors down. She tells me he has sent her a text that Quentin Tarrantino is at his bar. I tell her to 'drink up - we're going'. Which fair play to her she didn't complain that she had a whole bottle to finish.
Now when I came over to LA I bought the cheapest phone I could to work over here. It has everything on it at about a tenth of the strength. My camera on this phone. 0.3 MP which takes a picture worse than I could probably sit there and draw it. I ask Tinita what camera she has with her. Hers it worse than mine in that she doesn't have one. Argh! However I'm then told not to have my photo done with him as it's kind of the thing you DON'T do in Hollywood.
So we go to the bar and we see Tarrantino is sat right at a bar as we walk in. We walk straight past. I then spend the last half hour of the evening spying on him through little windows in the wall seperating the bar and the booth area. Much like Rod Taylor did in the film I watched earlier shooting at Nazis.
We are finally asked to leave the bar at closing, I speak to a party of three others who were at the other bar earlier (one of whom I find out is a porn star). She tries her luck in going straight to Tarrantinos booth and asking for a cigarette. No Reservoir Dogs type scenario unfolds where he pulls out a gun and she pulls out a gun only for his gun to be a lighter.
So we wait outside on the 'sidewalk'. Then he finally comes out walks straight towards me. 'Hey you've got just the right indie boy, floppy hair, short ass gimp I'm looking for for my next film' he spurts out at me. Actually he didn't he walk past and off into the Sunset Boulevard. But wait! He stops at the Valet. It's now or never!
By now he's getting the odd 'Hey Quentin' remark off stranglers. I walk over 'Hey Quentin' i say (good start I thought). 'I've just been to see your Rod Taylor double bill at the Beverely cinema'. 'Oh hey what did you think?' He says whilst trying to look for the valet with his car'. 'Yeah they were excellent'. 'Oh cool' he replies (i still think he didn't even look at me). Before he trundles off and attempts to get into a car that isn't his.
One of my party comes over and shakes my hand claiming 'well done you spoke to him' five seconds later I reply. 'Did I just shake Tarrantnios hand...or was it yours'? I had no idea. If I can speak to Tarrentino then now for the next stage.... speaking to girls.
Oh and the other thing was I didn't think both films were excellent. The first one was good and the second was very long and boring. So I did actually lie to him (apologies Tarrantino _ I would have given you a whole critic but you had to find your car). I think the last time I lied to a celebrity was at the Christmas lights being turned on in Luton when Blue Peter presenter Katy Hill came to turn them on. She asked if we watched Blue Peter when we had our photo done with her. 'Yeah' I replied 'It's my favourite programme' I HATE BLUE PETER!
Join me next time as Adam West would say (well the voiceover man) Same Bat Time same Bat channel
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Drinking in LA at 26
Firstly I'm not 26.
But I have been drinking in LA. A lot.
Everyone seems to do it here. Tall people, Short people, Older people, younger people, Girls, boys, girly boys.
I decided to go for a one drink ONE drink at about 10.30 in the evening so I walked down the road to Ye Rustic Inn. However I came up with a cunning plan before I went in. I took out my phone and held it in my hand. Entered the bar. Took one look up and down the bar and then pretended to phone my pretend friend who I was pretending was meant to be at the bar but I was pretending they hadn't showed up so I had to go back outside to pretend to phone them so I could leave the bar. It seemed to be large man night at the bar. The exact opposite of what I hoped would greet me (not that I was hoping for skinny man night at the bar - rather me entering the bar and the wind blowing behind me and the array of stools spinning around revealing an array of ladies not seen since Blofeld gathered his 10 women assasins in 'On Her Majesty's Secret Service'.
So on I went to the Good Luck Bar for my ONE drink. I had one. left and just though well I'll pop to El Chavos ONE block away as they have a happy hour on all night.
So I took my position at the bar on a stool pretty much in the middle of the arrangement. People were chatting away. I slowly drank my corona corona. Then before I know it. People have up and left their stools leaving me totally isolated and alone and helpless. Now I was exposed for what I was 'the lone drinker'. with no tonto to keep me company.
So I perhaps await an opportunity for Lindsey Lohan to join me before showing me her painted fingernails spelling out 'You sad man' to me.
About half hour later some guy sits one stool away from me and comments on my beer. So I chat to him for a bit he tells me he has just moved her to make 3 documentaries. One on a town, one on his dad's busniess and the third one her can't remeber...so erm two then?
Just as i've started speaking to him a nice young lady sits next to me. But now I'm trapped. I'm locked in conversation and there is no conclusion in sight to our conversation. He then hears a track he likes and proceeds to wave his hands in the air and wave them like he just does not fucking care. Now everyone is looking at him and subsequently me. The people drinking at the ends of the bar who've spotted me earlier now either think. Who is that guy he's with or 'Ha! that's what you get for sitting in exposed areas of the bar'
I tell him I'm working on three sit-coms. One about a failed music journalist, one about an up coming pretentious musician and erm I can't remember the last one - so errrrm two then!
I decide to have ONE more drink as he starts speaking to the woman next to him. And I might have cut free of this conversation net. But it's not stopped I get asked to name the price of her bag with him. After a while I get introduced to her husband. And then it's closing time. However that's not the end. After to speaking to the woman and her husband they seem like very nice people and one works in music and has worked with some great artsists and his wife is a journalist who is just about to go to San Fransico the next day for a new job. So they say they are having more dirnks at theirs and would I like to join them. I agree. They also invite wave your hands in the air kid as they think he is with me. I try to deter them without offending the guy. It dosen't work. I live around the corner form the bar. They tell me they live near as well. So we are all in the car and driving further and further away from the potential 3 minute walk I could have had home.
I then think perhaps I should just say no like the grange hill kids to any polite offer from anyone ever.
After arriving at their flat and drinking ANOTHER drink the younger guy who they thought was with me starts to talk bout how he got beaten up at school for cross dressing and things get more awkward when I point out that they might have beaten him up for his choice of clothes clashing or something. He didn't laugh and just looked at me. Anyway after talking about British comedy, American Policitcs, The English Class sytem and The Verve I finally leave and have to walk all the way home. I get in at 5am after leaving earlier at 10.30 for my ONE drink.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ9KfKx8PmM
But I have been drinking in LA. A lot.
Everyone seems to do it here. Tall people, Short people, Older people, younger people, Girls, boys, girly boys.
I decided to go for a one drink ONE drink at about 10.30 in the evening so I walked down the road to Ye Rustic Inn. However I came up with a cunning plan before I went in. I took out my phone and held it in my hand. Entered the bar. Took one look up and down the bar and then pretended to phone my pretend friend who I was pretending was meant to be at the bar but I was pretending they hadn't showed up so I had to go back outside to pretend to phone them so I could leave the bar. It seemed to be large man night at the bar. The exact opposite of what I hoped would greet me (not that I was hoping for skinny man night at the bar - rather me entering the bar and the wind blowing behind me and the array of stools spinning around revealing an array of ladies not seen since Blofeld gathered his 10 women assasins in 'On Her Majesty's Secret Service'.
So on I went to the Good Luck Bar for my ONE drink. I had one. left and just though well I'll pop to El Chavos ONE block away as they have a happy hour on all night.
So I took my position at the bar on a stool pretty much in the middle of the arrangement. People were chatting away. I slowly drank my corona corona. Then before I know it. People have up and left their stools leaving me totally isolated and alone and helpless. Now I was exposed for what I was 'the lone drinker'. with no tonto to keep me company.
So I perhaps await an opportunity for Lindsey Lohan to join me before showing me her painted fingernails spelling out 'You sad man' to me.
About half hour later some guy sits one stool away from me and comments on my beer. So I chat to him for a bit he tells me he has just moved her to make 3 documentaries. One on a town, one on his dad's busniess and the third one her can't remeber...so erm two then?
Just as i've started speaking to him a nice young lady sits next to me. But now I'm trapped. I'm locked in conversation and there is no conclusion in sight to our conversation. He then hears a track he likes and proceeds to wave his hands in the air and wave them like he just does not fucking care. Now everyone is looking at him and subsequently me. The people drinking at the ends of the bar who've spotted me earlier now either think. Who is that guy he's with or 'Ha! that's what you get for sitting in exposed areas of the bar'
I decide to have ONE more drink as he starts speaking to the woman next to him. And I might have cut free of this conversation net. But it's not stopped I get asked to name the price of her bag with him. After a while I get introduced to her husband. And then it's closing time. However that's not the end. After to speaking to the woman and her husband they seem like very nice people and one works in music and has worked with some great artsists and his wife is a journalist who is just about to go to San Fransico the next day for a new job. So they say they are having more dirnks at theirs and would I like to join them. I agree. They also invite wave your hands in the air kid as they think he is with me. I try to deter them without offending the guy. It dosen't work. I live around the corner form the bar. They tell me they live near as well. So we are all in the car and driving further and further away from the potential 3 minute walk I could have had home.
I then think perhaps I should just say no like the grange hill kids to any polite offer from anyone ever.
After arriving at their flat and drinking ANOTHER drink the younger guy who they thought was with me starts to talk bout how he got beaten up at school for cross dressing and things get more awkward when I point out that they might have beaten him up for his choice of clothes clashing or something. He didn't laugh and just looked at me. Anyway after talking about British comedy, American Policitcs, The English Class sytem and The Verve I finally leave and have to walk all the way home. I get in at 5am after leaving earlier at 10.30 for my ONE drink.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ9KfKx8PmM
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